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NiGHTs: New U Redux -2- Getting to know you
Posted by: NiGHTs on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 10:16 PM Printer Friendly
Sometime, the day after tomorrow...
New U Redux
=2=
Getting to Know You


Again, revised and edited, here is ch. 2 of the eight original New U chapters.

Shade & Sweetwater,
NiGHTs
2004

Minor notes: I was tempted to change the names of the video games in this chapter, but looking back, I still think that although they are nearly a decade older now, they deserve mention.

"Fighting Street" (the obscure TG-16 early port of what would become the Street Fighter series) is a neat bit of history, although only a fairly hard-core player would be interested in it for more than curiosity.

"NiGHTs: into dreams" is still in my mind, one of the best games Sonic Team ever created. I still play through this game and its supplement "Christmas NiGHTs" regularly. If you have access to a Sega Saturn and these games, try them out and become another to fall under the spell of the Nightmaren.

"Bomberman SS" was the hardest to leave untouched. Nintendo's Mario Party series and similar games are certainly more well known, but Hudson's Bomberman has a lot more history as a party game and Bomberman SS for the Saturn allows up to ten players. I still set it up at gatherings and it still keeps crowds happy. I can't think of a better endorsement.

Now the normal disclaimers:
Obviously, the characters and situations presented are fiction and any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental unless they are public figures to begin with. Please feel free to post or archive with notification. Otherwise, this work should be considered copyright 1997 Jeffrey S. Rose and no part should be published in printed form except for review/critical analysis, or offered for sale without consent of the author.
New U: Ch.2
Getting to know you
By Jeff Rose


Jim had been working for the three (now) young owners of New U Nanotech for about three months. The first week was spent moving him into his office/apartment above the garage. After that, things settled into a routine. The girls considered themselves to be semi-retired and spent minimal time in the lab. Usually just checking results and directing operations from across the country. The rest of the day was either spent "off", acting as Jim's aid or performing normal household chores. The girls were dead set against hiring any further permanent help and so Jamie found himself enlisted in the cooking and cleaning as often as the rest. For Jim's part, his days were spent setting up the equipment in the rec room, talking to a contractor about the new satellite system that would allow both sending and receiving for both entertainment and business, drilling holes and running conduit for the new LAN and at night setting up with his landscaping program and running the results by Anne.

He didn't mind the cleaning/cooking as he began finding himself increasingly thinking of his employers as family. They went shopping together and even ate together. His friends got over ogling the girls and asking him embarrassing questions fairly quickly. All in all, the only aspect of his employment that occasionally bothered him was the fact that they sometimes seemed to forget he was male. Being asked to help zip up a dress here and catching Chris running around the house in her underwear (if that) there, was beginning to take its toll on his nerves among other things. It helped if he tried to think of them as his sisters. … but not a lot.

He was making his presence felt as well.

Anne was finishing up reviewing a report from the coast when Chris came traipsing through. Although spring was definitely making it's presence known, the T-shirt and shorts Chris had on were a little on the chilly side yet.

"Where are you going? It's nearly 9:30."

"Jim's got a copy of 'Fighting Street' for the Turbo Graphix and said I could try it out."

"You know there are times I really wish I never introduced you to Pac-Man back in 78."

"You thought it was so-ooo cute."

"Not after the 3,000th time you forced me to play. Won't you be cold in that?"

"In what?"

"To quote Jim, 'My point exactly'". Anne sniffed, "Are you wearing perfume? Why do you tease that.."

"He's 30 years old. Hardly a boy, Sheesh! Look at us! I haven't felt, much less looked this good in longer than that." Chris said as she pirouetted practically into Anne's lap. "I should think that we deserve to have just a little fun in these new bodies." She promptly collapsed into a sitting position next to her friend." Or has it been so long since you've had some innocent fun with a known harmless guy that you can't remember the fun of the tease?"

"He just reminds me of my nephew, I don't want any of us to hurt him."

Anne got a distant look in her eye, then shook her head. Jamie was not Scott. "Or anything else. He's an employee."

"Who lives with us and is a lot of fun to be around and helps remind me I'm a 25 year old again every time he blushes." Chris counted off while giggling.

"Alright! Alright. Off with ye, you brazen hussy! I need to file this report then off to bed."

Chris kissed her best friend on the cheek making a conscious effort to bounce out of the room. She paused at the stair though. "What happened to Scott wasn't your fault Anne."

Anne held herself perfectly still until she heard Chris pad up the stairs, then shook slightly as the picture of her nephew's body floated back into her mind again.

* *

Jim had found a fellow addict for support in his video game habit in Chris. She had tagged along on his little expedition last Saturday and he had to admit they'd had fun poking around the North Point Flea Market. She even understood when he showed her the stall that contained a mint copy of the "Valis" Hu-Card for his Turbo Graphix. The $100 price tag was outside his ability to justify even with his new job. She had offered to spot him the cash but friend or not, that was just too expensive. "George, will eventually figure out I'm the only one interested and cut me a deal"

"Or he will find someone willing to part with that much cash." countered Chris.

"Then I won't be tempted to blow the money any more." he grinned, and dragged her to another booth before she talked him into buying the thing.

Right now however, she seemed grimly determined to kick his butt from one end television screen to the other. Jim wasn't at his best playing fighting games (He preferred Shumps, platformers & RPGs) and the way Chris insisted they sit next to each other on the floor meant he was continually reminded of the female beside him. Her perfume tugged at his nostrils and he felt quite like the naughty schoolboy when he realized his left knee was touching Chris' bare right thigh. He shifted position, but his lack of attention to the game left him open for Ryu's dragon punch. He rallied and was distracted again when her elbow caught his arm. He noticed then that when she blocked, she pulled the controller into her chest, drawing the material of her loose T-shirt across her petite breasts.

Even though he didn't glance again, knowing that eventually he would be caught, every now and again Chris' elbow would catch his arm and the image of what she looked like would pop into his mind. It threw his timing off and was resulting in an impressive run of wins for Chris. They went through an hour of this when there was a knock on the door.

Chris was about to suggest they quit Fighting Street and try Bomberman SS when someone knocked on the door. Jamie paused the game, smiled apologetically, and got up.

Jamie opened the door. Beth was holding the DVD he'd lent her yesterday. She was dressed in a dark green silk housecoat and matching pajamas. Bringing the case up to her head and waggled it, smiling." Jim I think you..."

Her eyes were a little puffy but Jim saw them open wide as a blush started spreading across her cheeks. Chris had put Fighting Street away and began looking over the shelves Jamie set up in his room to hold his games. Finding Bomberman SS, she turned to the open doorway already aware that Beth was there from the voice. She was surprised to see the rapidly darkening blush on Beth's face though.

Beth looked even younger than her biological age of 30, Chris thought as she spouted; "Beth! C'mon in, we were just playing and Bomberman only gets better the more players there are."

"I, er... was just giving this back." Beth stated, trying to regain her composure. "Jim let me borrow it."

"This is just too good to let go." was all Chris could think as she walked purposefully toward the couple at the door." Jim I'm surprised at you. Indulging Beth's perverted need for porn." she scolded, wagging her finger in front of Jim's face. As the color drained from his features and Beth's jaw dropped in shock, Chris deftly plucked the video from Beth's nerveless fingers.

"Hey, I don't watch or have any stuff like that!!", Jim protested.

Chris noted just how upset he was getting. Best to move him on before this gets serious. Glancing at the case she saw it was an anime titled "Only Yesterday". The cover showed a young woman dressed casually, holding the hand of a much younger girl with a slightly bewildered look. This just kept getting better.

"What kind of incestuous prattle is this?"

Beth was getting irritated now. "It's nothing of the sort!"

"We'll see." Chris tossed the disc to Jim. "You! Get some popcorn started and load this into the player in the rec room. Beth and I will get Anne and let her decide just what kind of film this is. Jim froze for an instant, then left. As Beth heard him hit the stairs, she reached out and pulled Chris in close. "What the hell are you up to now?" she demanded.

"C'mon, let's get Anne. She's spent the day analyzing those Pro-j reports from Dana and looks like she could use the kind of movie that would give 'big tough Beth' those happy-ending-crying-eyes.", she paused outside Anne's door a threw a mock serious look at Beth.

"Has anyone ever told you what a cynic you are?"

Beth's blush revived a bit as she grinned. "Nope. Anyone told you how twisted you are?"

"Just you and Prof Hanson."

"Hanson...?"

"You remember, our ethics prof? The one who way too into Machievelli and Nietzsche."

Anne was watching the news when Chris and Beth dragged her down to the rec room. She had protested, claiming she needed to get up early and help Jamie with breaking ground for one of the garden plots. She was surprised to find out that Jim had been roped into this however, with the disc queued up and popcorn ready. Chris made a big production of presenting the "prosecution's case" and begging Anne to make final judgement as to the pornographic content of the film.

As the movie progressed, Anne had to admit it was gorgeous. She had always thought of Disney and Bugs Bunny whenever she thought of cartoons. But this quietly funny and genuinely touching story about one woman's journey of self-discovery while vacationing in the Japanese countryside with the memories of her five year old self contrasting the action, left all three girls misty eyed. As the movie came to a close, Anne glanced down at the Kleenex box in her lap as a hairy hand plucked a couple of tissues as nonchalantly as possible.

"All cynics are closet romantics." Jim's disembodied voice explained flatly as the end credits rolled in the dark.

They left the empty popcorn bowels to be cleaned the next day.

End ch.2 copyright 1997 Jeff Rose





Note: TG sci-fi transformation series rated-M
Read Chapter 1. 2. 3.

New U Redux -2- Getting to know you | Login/Create an account | 5 Comments
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Re: New U Redux -2- Getting to know you (Score: 1)
by aardvark on Jun 30, 2004 - 02:57 PM
(User info | Send a message) http://home.alltel.net/dbeaton/
I like the slow build-up. Each character is revealed pretty well through their actions, and I appreciate that.

One small critique, and it may just be a sign that I need more coffee - I had a little trouble sometimes figuring out who exactly was speaking or doing things. On the second time around, it became clear, but it was a little distracting.

Examples:

Several sentences in a row without an indication of who was speaking. I could follow, but I had to be careful.

[Beth's blush revived a bit as she grinned. "Nope. Anyone told you how twisted you are?"]

Who is grinning? Who is speaking? One has to read back a few sentences and pick up a good part of the thread to be sure.

No huge deal, but the level of concentration I needed to follow it did interfere a little with my reading pleasure.

Good story though - interesting, complex people in a very interesting situation.

Aardvark



Re: New U Redux -2- Getting to know you(Score: 1)
by NiGHTs (NiGHTs@hotmail.com) on Jun 30, 2004 - 09:08 PM
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Aardvark, I do appologise for any confusion on who is speaking when. I usually only fall into this pattern when I have two people speaking as on the one hand I figure that unless someone is rambling for several paragraphs, the back and forth nature of a conversation shouldn't _need_ "he said/she said" commentary. On the other hand I'm lazy as all get out and trying to find as many variations of "he said/she said drives me bonkers. I am trying to break myself of the habit now.

Though I tell you I'm tempted to write everything I do after New U as scripts for mythical TV shows or movies. It just seems like there's too few ways to say, reply, explain, note, etc. etc. etc. ^_-
NiGHTs


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Re: New U Redux -2- Getting to know you (Score: 1)
by aardvark on Jun 30, 2004 - 10:27 PM
(User info | Send a message) http://home.alltel.net/dbeaton/
No apology necessary. I'm not too hot on the constant "he said/she said" either. You probably use this already, but a lot of people address the other person by name occasionally:

"Fred, you don't know what you're taking about."

by action that would reasonably lead to a line of dialogue:

I rubbed my chin for a moment. "You may be right."

or just forget about it. I read somewhere that a couple of lines can go by without some sort of identifier - but no more.

I know about the problem with those same words. I know I overuse peruse, consider, regard, examine, wonder, exclaimed, stared, frowned, pursed lips, narrowed eyes, etc. I'd look in a few books to find how they do it. A lot of authors mainly use "he said/she said" and it flows just fine. Realism and clarity is most of it, I think.

Doug


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Re: New U Redux -2- Getting to know you (Score: 1)
by slothrop on Jun 30, 2004 - 06:53 PM
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This is moving along, taking it's time with character development, dropping some hints about dark pasts. So far, so very good.

Jim or Jamie? make up your mind on that.

I guess I have a little trouble trying to figure out what Jim does all day after he has the stuff set up, but I'm sure you will reveal that.

Jim seems to be well drawn but still shallowly drawn. I am expecting you to color in character depth as you go. You seem to like a slow pace, which is fine.

I like what you are doing here a lot.

Tyrone



Re: New U Redux -2- Getting to know you(Score: 1)
by NiGHTs (NiGHTs@hotmail.com) on Jun 30, 2004 - 09:27 PM
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When I originally wrote New U I let Jim be "Jamie" from the start and one of the first notes I got back was a complaint about having a the character possess a name that worked as both Female and Male versions. So I figured that was an easy fix, right?

*BUZZZZZZ*

Of course I thought I caught all the "Jamie"s Only to find out after tossing the original 8 into the buffer here that I missed a few in nearly every chapter where it mattered. How about we call it a game for the reader. Kinda like finding the hidden Mickeys at a Disney resort.

Yeah, that's the (E-) ticket! It's a game. Yeah.

I really am pleased that you're enjoying the ride. Sadly, I think it gets worse before it gets better. It seems like every chapter, I was trying out different storytelling approaches and I know not all of them worked. So stick with me through the nasty bits. I think I'm on better footing now.

I think.


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