Sam I Am -6- "My Name Is Sam..." :: BigCloset Classic :: BigCloset TG Stories <br /> June 2001 to November 2004

My name is Sam...

Sam
I Am

Part 6

by Sherilynne Amber MacDonald

From Her Diary...

Page 101

I had to cry some more, but it's later now and I'm still here. I was trying to tell why I'm here in my room writing in my diary and it's the middle of the day.

Jenny called, I said that, and she's like been Sheri's friend like forever so she espects me to be Sheri and when I can't remember she tries to make me remember.

Mommy doesn't do that, heck, even Gary doesn't do that. I asked Mommy why she doesn't try to make me remember.

She goes, "The doctors said you would remember or you wouldn't and trying to make you remember would just upset you."

I laughed a little, a sick sort of laugh, I guess. "Well, yeah, it does. It makes me mad and it makes me cry and it scares me cause I can't remember."

"I know, honey," she goes. "We just have to be patient. Maybe you'll remember someday."

That scared me. Cause if I start to remember being Sheri then I won't be me anymore and I'll really be dead. I think I was all, "I don't want to remember!"

Mommy, Sheri's mom, pulled me into her lap even though I'm as big as her and patted me and hugged me and goes stuff like, "It's okay," and "You don't have to remember until you want to," and "It's because you got hurt that it hurts to remember, but you'll get well soon."

Page 100

I wanted to get well for her, I wanted to become Sheri, as much as I could because it would make Mommy happy. But I still wanted to be me cause I'm so scared of that dark place I must have been in before I woke up in the hospital.

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Those are tear drops. The ink won't stick to them.

I think I was dead and I don't want to be dead again cause I might not find my way back. I'm a girl now but it's better than if Sheri comes back for her body, cause then Sam will be dead. I don't want to be

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Page 99

I stopped crying now. I think I'm all cried out. I'm so thirsty but I'm going to stay in my room until supper, Mommy thinks I'm asleep. I think I did sleep a little.

She heard me crying and I had to hide this book under the pillows when she came in but she held me and I feel maybe a bit better. I didn't tell her why I was crying and she thinks it is just cause of my period. Which sucks but that's not really why I was crying.

I had a really weird dream. Maybe I remembered something. But not about Sheri, about the other me. I think I remembered my name. Sam. This lady with dark hair and eyes called me Sam. She was lots bigger than me. Not like Sheri's mom who's about the same size as me, as Sheri.

My mom in the dream was bigger than me and she called me Sam. I'm a boy named Sam and I'm only eight, only now I'm Sheri and I'm fifteen and I'm a girl. I wish I could cry some more cause it hurts to need to cry when you can't.

Page 98

I dreamed again and I remembered some other stuff about being Sam. I remembered we were all going somewhere together in my dad's truck. I think we were going to the hospital, but maybe that part is just a dream cause I woke up in a hospital.

But I think we were going to the hospital cause something was wrong with Mommy, Sam's mom. I think she was going to have a baby. Maybe I do have a little brother or little sister besides Gary who is Sheri's little brother?

It was dark and I was asleep but they woke me up to go along because there was no one to stay with me. Mommy was making noises like she hurt really bad and I wanted to sit next to her but I had to sit in the back cause I was too little to sit in front.

They kept saying it was early and I was a little cranky because it was early, it was still dark.

I think I fell asleep back there. Then I heard people talking and then there was a lot of noise and a bright light. And then it got really really dark and cold and I woke up crying.

Only this time, I woke up in Sheri's bed at home and not in the hospital bed. I just laid there a long time and only cried a little bit.

Page 97

I think I figured something out. Sam and Sheri both died but God put pieces of them back together and that is me. Sam's parents probably went to Sam's funeral and his body is dead and buried and that's why they aren't looking for me.

I know they loved Sam, they kissed me when they put me in the back seat. I know they must miss him terrible and I miss them.

But if Sheri were the one that had to stay dead, her parents would be terrible hurt too. And Gary.

I heard someone say, "Life's not fair," and I guess death isn't either. Someone has to be dead and it's not me, even if I am all patched together and my arm still hurts sometimes and my head doesn't work right. It's the other little broken pieces of both of me that has to stay dead.

I cried a little more then I got up and wrote this down. I think I'll hide this book again and then go down the hall and see if Mommy will let me sleep the rest of the night with her.

Note: TG magic transmigration age progression child to teen rated-M
Part 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.