Posted by: Andra on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 02:12 PM
How Bryan came to be Brenda... Sins of the Fathers
Part 2
This is a story which looks at family dynamics and how people get to act as they do, which is a big concern for me. The second part is about our hero(ine) Bryan/Brenda -- written from his viewpoint. Bryan has no desire to be feminine, but wants to be a good person and begins to see goodness through his mother's eyes. For her, being loving is pactically the same as being female.
2. Brenda is born
I grew up in a little duplex in Florissant -- just mommy and me. Daddy died in Viet Nam. Mommy hated war and anything violent. I never got guns or soldiers to play with. We were not real poor but not rich. We had some money from renting the other half of the duplex and mommy did catering. Mostly she did children’s birthday parties for mommies that worked, but sometimes she did weddings and anniversaries.
I would always help out, both with the cooking and the serving, as she never had a baby sitter for me. I had a little uniforms mommy made for me with satin shorts, a shirt with a fancy collar, a little apron and shiny black shoes with buckles. I had curly blond hair, and the ladies all said I was darling. I tell them my name is Bryan but they here Bren or Briene as often as not and say “She’s darling.” Mommy told me not to worry about it. I should think of what they meant and not what they said, and they meant they like me and how I look.
Mommy liked me in fancy clothes, and so she made most of what I wore. Because of my fancy clothes, I am not allowed to play rough games like the other boys. A couple of times I did and got grass stains on my pants, and mommy told me I was a ruffian and made me wash them till they came clean. That took a long, long time, and one pair had to be thrown away. Then I had to help her make a new pair. So I knew why it was bad to get stains on your clothes.
Mostly, I played with the girls. They seemed to like what mommy made for me and would sometimes ask their mommies of they could have an outfit like mine. I was proud that I was so well dressed, even though we did not have a lot of money.
As I got older, the boys started being mean to me, and calling me sissy. Mommy told me that the boys were jealous of my fancy things and how darling I looked and jealous boys get angry. I asked her how come the girls did not act like that, and she told me that girls are kinder and more loving. She asked me if I would rather be mean like the boys or kind and loving like the girls. Of course I wanted to be kind and loving, and so she told me that I should just play with the girls. She got me a dolly to bring when I play with the girls. I named her Suzy. The boys tried to beat me up, so I had to be careful and look who was outside before I went to play. I hated boys.
Mostly I played with Leona. Her mommy rented the other half of our duplex. She was black and the other girls would not play with her, so she was glad to have a playmate. We played house and had tea parties. She did not think my darling outfits were funny that I wore or mock me about having my own dolly.
When I was 6 I started in Catholic school. We had uniforms, so, of course, I had to dress in them. On the first day, I was in my uniform and shiny black buckle shoes and white socks. The boys called me sissy again, but Sister Therese Marie made them stop. She sent me home with a note for mommy, and the next day I had to wear ugly brown shoes with laces. Then the boys made fun of me for being a baby and not knowing how to tie my shoe laces, but in a few days I learned and they stopped teasing me.
Sister made the boys and girls play separately for PE. I learned to throw a ball and got to be really good at dodge ball and kick ball. By thanksgiving, I was not the last boy chosen for teams anymore, and one time I scored a homer in kickball. At recess the girls wouldn’t play jacks or jump-rope with me, so, I started playing with the boys more.
Boys are very different from girls. They shove more and sometimes they hit. It did not hurt very much unless they hit you in the stomach, but it was scary and I did not like it.
Mike sat next to me in class, and he became my friend. I talked to him about how different boys and girls were. One time I told him how the boys would get angry because they were jealous of my darling outfits. He just looked funny at me for a long time and then asked me what I meant. I told him what mommy said. He said he would never wear buckle shoes or satin blouses, and my mommy was making me a sissy. I was very confused. I told him that I wanted to be kind and loving like the girls were, and not mean like the boys. He told me they were not mean, just tough like John Wayne.
“Who’s John Wayne?”
He could not believe that I did not know about John Wayne, and he told me that he acted in war movies and cowboy movies. I did not even know that they made cowboy movies. I told him I saw a war movie once. It was called “Mrs. Minaver.” He never heard of it. Mostly we just watched movies like “The Ten Commandments,” “Cinderella,” and “Miracle on 34th Street.” I could see he felt sorry for me. “Man, your mommy is really trying to make you a sissy. Come over to my house after school and we can watch some cool movies on TV.” I told him I would ask my mommy if I could.
When I got home I told mommy about what Mike had told me. She said that they make violent movies to train boys to be soldiers and kill people and that is what happened to my dad. He watched them and now he was dead. She loved me too much to let that happen to me, so she did not let me see that kind of movie. If I wanted to play with Mike, I could, but only with her around.
By then I was changed into my play clothes (red shorts and a white shirt with a round collar and my shiny black buckle shoes). I told her what Mike said about not wanting to wear clothes like mine, and how he said she was making me a sissy. She told me that most boys were being trained to hurt people and that the moms would not let their sweeties be ruined were accused of raising “sissies.” She asked me again whether I wanted to hurt people or be kind and loving like the girls. I told her that I wanted to be kind and loving.
That should have been that, but it was not. I started seeing mommy was not raising me like the other boys. I wanted to fit in, and started having tantrums about wanting jeans and tee-shirts and sneakers. Mommy was always pressuring me to be sweet. Mike came by a few times, but she would not let him play the way he was used to. She put him in an apron on him and showed him how to bake sugar cookies. I think he liked doing it, and especially eating them. He still liked me and we talked and played at school, but he said he did not want mommy turning him into a sissy, so he stopped coming over.
I got very shy about going out in my “darling outfits” and mommy and I were having lots of fights about it. I would wear what she wanted at home and catering, but I didn’t want the boys at school seeing me in sissy clothes because then they wouldn’t play with me.
I was half way through second grade and mommy and I were arguing all the time. One night I woke up in a wet bed. It started happening more and more. Mommy put a rubber sheet on my bed. After awhile, she got my old diapers and plastic pants out of a box in the attic. When I saw them on my bed I cried and kicked, but she spanked me (the first time ever), and pinned me up. I felt like a seven-year-old baby and she told me to suck my thumb because she was still mad. I did and it was kind of comforting.
My Donald Duck PJs did not fit over my dyddies and baby panties (that is what she called them). Mommy made me a furry pink sleeper that zipped up the back with feet and mittens sewn in. It was nice and warm for winter, but I could not work the zipper alone because with the mittens, so I needed mommy’s help. She would baby talk to me when she diapered me and put me in my sleeper. I never fought with her then because I hated us fighting, and it’s hard to say you are a big boy you are in and pink sleeper, dyddies and baby panties.
Still, she was unhappy with me. I was starting to act just like the other boys: getting into shoving matches and occasionally kept after school by the nuns for fighting or general rowdiness. Mommy felt like she was loosing control. Sometimes I would hear her crying and talking with Grandma Louise in Iowa on the phone.
One Sunday night “The Wizard of Oz” was on from 6:00 to 9:00. My usual bedtime was 8:00, but mommy said I could watch it if I got ready for bed before it started. I was put in my dyddies and sleeper at 5:30. I had never been in dyddies in the day and I was embarrassed and very quiet. She just told me how cute I looked and had me sit next to her on the sofa. When I started enjoying it the movie I forgot how I was dressed.
After about an hour, mommy asked me if I wanted some warm cocoa, and of course I did. In a few minutes she was back with it –- in a baby bottle. I protested, but she said that with my mittens, I might drop a glass, but a bottle would not spill. So I just took it and she laid me down with my head in her lap as I nursed the bottle and watched the movie. At the break after I finished it, she went and refilled it. I drank this one slower, but I finished it about the time Dorothy was captured by the flying monkeys. With milk I had with dinner, I needed to pee. I asked mommy to unzip my sleeper, but she told if I left I might miss something, so wait till the end. A little later I told her I could not wait, but she said I could just use my dyddies and she would change me. I was kind of nervous, but I could not hold it and she was not unzipping me, so I wet my dyddies. I was so embarrassed. Mommy smiled and told me how she liked having her baby back. After the movie she changed me into a dry diaper and put me to bed with another bottle of cocoa. It all felt nice, but I was worried about becoming a sissy.
The next day I was thinking about it in class and started sucking my thumb. Mike saw it and told Linda Michelle “look at the sissy baby!” I came out of my day dream when she started giggling. I heard him telling her he bet I still wore diapers. It hit me very hard: My best friend saying I was a sissy baby, and me realizing it was true. I shoved him hard and his desk tipped over and he hit his head on her desk. Sister Elizabeth came down the aisle and had me by the back of the neck in 3 seconds, but let me go when she saw Mike’s head bleeding. Sister told Linda Michelle to take me to the office while she saw how Mike was. I was scared I killed him.
To make a long story short, Sister had mommy to come get me, and I was suspended for a week to start with. Mike came to the office to have the nurse look at him in, and she said he would be okay. Before mommy came he told me he was sorry he called me a sissy baby and I told him I was really sorry I pushed him.
I was crying about the whole thing and mommy was yelling at me that I was turning into a typical boy – a person who liked to hurt people. I would probably grow up and kill my family like her dad had. I almost killed Mike already. I was sobbing and shouting that I did not want to be a sissy girl like her. She put me in my room, till she could decide what to do with me, and I could see that she was on the verge of loosing control and spanking me big time. I was sitting on the floor and fell asleep sobbing.
I woke up on the floor in a puddle about 6:00 that evening. Mommy heard me and came in. “I should have known! You can’t control yourself in any way, can you?” I just started crying again while she got me undressed and put me in the tub and washed me like a baby. She went to the drawer and got my baby panties and dyddies. I lay still and silent while she diapered me.
“How many times have you told me you want to be gentle and loving?”
“I don’t know,” I said quietly.
“You know you could have killed Michael?”
“Yes.”
“Is that what you want to be, a murderer?”
I was thinking about Mike laying on the floor bleeding. I started shaking and tears were running down my cheeks. “No.”
“Well, you are just lucky you aren’t already. Is that what you want, to kill the people you love like your granddad did?”
“No. I know. I’m sorry.”
“Well, Lord knows I have tried to raise you gentle, but ever since you have gone to school, you have been acting more and more like a male.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.”
“Well, we are putting an end to it! I made my mistake when I ran out of baby dresses and put you in boy’s clothes. We are starting over from there. At home you will be a proper young lady so you learn how to behave.”
I am not sure when it happened, but about then mommy stared at my baby panties and I noticed that I had wet myself.
“I see by your actions that you agree we should start you over at the toddler stage. Yes?”
“Yes, mommy.”
“Am I going to get anymore arguments about how I am raising you, Brenda?”
“Bren…? No, mommy.”
“Good. As long as you behave like a good girl, I will not mention what you almost did again. You may dress like a boy at school, but the rest of the time you will be dressed to remind you how to behave properly, and if you get into trouble by acting like a boy one more time, I will find a school that will let you wear a dress to school. Will you be a good girl for mommy, Brenda?”
“Yes, mommy.”
“Now go put out your red shorts, white tights, satin blouse and Mary Janes, and I will dress you because we have some shopping to do.”
“What are Mary Janes, mommy?”
“Your buckle shoes dear.”
I really came as no surprise that my buckle shoes had a girl’s name. Other than me, only girls seemed to wear them.
“Should I take my baby panties off?”
“I will change you before we go. You have made two wetties already today. So, I think you should wear them, don’t you?”
“Yes, mommy.” She was right, of course. I was a sissy baby just like Mike told Linda Michelle. I put my thumb in my mouth and felt calmer as I went to lay out my clothes. I was not sure what we were going to buy, but it would be something to help me be better, I was sure.
“Mommy, can I dress like a big boy again when I am grown up?”
“Of course dear, if you still want to.”
Note: TG diapers forced fem sissy serial rated-M
Part 1. 2.
I'm really glad I read part 1, as I would have been very angry at Mom otherwise. I still think what she's doing is wrong, but given her background, I can't blame her. You seem to be writing a very good but very sad story. So far, I can't see this turning out well for either mom or Bryan/Brenda.
Re: Sins of the Fathers
(Score: 1)
by mrtupelo on Apr 24, 2004 - 05:26 PM
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Please continue, please don't stop. I really like this story and the direction it is taking. I hope you will continue with the series. What more can I say to encourage you?
