A College Experiment
by Little Katie
Day Four, Late Night
Colleen found herself unable to sleep, perhaps the stress of the looming projects kept her worrying about the upcoming day of classes. She tossed and turned and flipped her pillow over dozens of times before finally giving up. Maybe a glass of warm milk would do the trick, Colleen thought to herself. She slowly sat up in bed and put her feet in her Garfield slippers before getting to her feet. She slowly made her way into the hallway and quietly walked toward the staircase. She heard a faint sound coming from her roommate's room and thought it prudent to investigate.
Colleen slowly opened the door to Patricia's room, not wanting to startle her friend. She could make out the red, tear-stained cheek just a split second before Patricia buried her face in a pillow.
"What's wrong?" Colleen asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Nothing," Patricia answered sharply, still refusing to reveal her face.
"Then why are you crying?"
"I got something in my eye, that's all."
Colleen looked around the room and saw the floor littered with discarded tissue. "By the mountain you've left, for some reason I don't believe you. Come on, you can tell me; there's nothing that could happen that would make me not love you."
"Really?" Patricia asked as she allowed her left eye to peek out from the pillow.
"Is it Paul, did he do something to upset you?"
"I don't know, maybe."
"What did he do, did you feel uncomfortable being alone with him?"
"No, we kind of..." Patricia trailed off.
"You kind of what?"
"We made love," Patricia blurted out and then buried her head back into the pillow fully.
"And you didn't want to?"
"No, I wanted to."
"Okay," Colleen said, confused by what the problem was and not knowing what way to take the conversation. "Are you crying because he hurt you physically while making love?"
"No, we didn't do that," Patricia said, knowing what her roommate was alluding too.
"So why are you so upset?"
"I never did anything like that before. Not even to a girl."
"Well, I guess the first time can be upsetting. I mean we all have regrets when we lose our virginity, I suppose."
"Did you?" Patricia asked as she sat up in bed.
"Sure I did, but that was in middle school and that blabbermouth Bobby practically told every one."
Patricia let out a small chuckle in spite of her mood. As Patrick, he remembered that when Colleen found out that Bobby was spreading the word they had been together she popped him one good and gave him a bloody nose.
"But I don't think Paul is one to go around and tell."
"That's not it."
"Then what's the problem?"
"Since we've done this little experiment, I don't think I can go back to being a boy again."
"Really?" Colleen was not completely surprised but didn't think her friend would respond to womanhood so quickly.
"Yeah, but tomorrow I got class and I can't remain like this. I mean with all the teachers and people and all."
"Why can't you?"
"Well, I don't think people would respond too well if I showed up to class in a dress."
"You know, being a girl doesn't mean you have to be in dresses all the time. "You could wear jeans and a tee; no one would really know."
"What about my hair? I kind of like it like this."
"All we have to do is comb it all back and you can keep it in a pony tail. You just won't have any bangs."
"But I'd look like I'm a boy again."
"No, you'd look more unisex. But being a girl isn't about what you wear, anyway."
"I guess you're right. And besides people won't really be looking at me."
"That's the ticket. And like I said, you can borrow any of my things that you want."
"And you'll still help me find my way?"
"You got it," Colleen gave Patricia a peck on the cheek. "Come on, let's get some sleep."
Patricia leaned back in bed and to her amazement, fell asleep quite quickly.
Monday, A.M.
Patricia woke up to her alarm blaring away. She felt a bit nervous; she was about to go to class for the first time as a girl. She walked into the bathroom; she could tell that Colleen had already been in there by the mess she left behind. It didn't bother her any; she had left her fair share of messes in the past. Patricia scrubbed her face with some cleanser; the slight sting told her that it was doing whatever job it needed to do. She put on a light amount of blush to give her cheeks a hint of color but without making it obvious that she was wearing makeup. Following that, she put on a shade of lipstick that was only slightly lighter than her natural look. When she looked in the mirror, she was happy with the effect she had created. She didn't look like she was wearing anything, but she definitely looked better than before. She slipped on her water-bra. She had debated in her mind whether to wear it, but she figured if she were going to be true to her feminine self that she ought to wear it. Patricia then put some mousse in her hair and combed it backwards, tying the ponytail with a dark purple hair-tie.
Patricia made her way to Colleen's room and shuffled through the drawers. She found a pair of faded, light blue, denim jeans that had a DKNY tag on the back, but no other clue that they were in fact girl's clothing. They looked perfect for her first day of school as a girl. She slid them on and quickly noticed how different they felt on her body. The cut to the material gave her body a more feminine look than she was prepared for, yet for some strange reason she didn't seem to mind. She pulled out a yellow T-shirt and slipped it on. She found herself looking at the reflection in the mirror. She looked feminine but not overtly so. She could go either way with her looks. If any one pressed her to explain, she would simply tell them that it was some sort of initiation.
After having a quick bite to eat and checking to make sure all her assignments were in her binder, Patricia walked to school. She was glad that class was so early in the morning and that many people would still be asleep. Though with each person she passed, a certain amount of anxiety built up within. She could feel their eyes look over her body, undressing the feminine clothes and finding the masculine body. She quickened her pace and made her way to the classroom. With two dozen people in the class, Patricia knew it would be harder to hide who she was in such tight quarters. Luckily, she didn't stand out much before and if she kept to herself, the class should go without a hitch. She took her seat in the far left corner, furthest from the door and hoped for the best. She opened her binder and reread her report. She knew it was perfect, but the paper shielded her as other classmates started to arrive. As usual, they didn't give her a second glance while they took their regular seats.
Roy came into the class close to the time it was to begin. He was always the last person to arrive, just moments ahead of the teacher. Since it was his third time taking the class, one would think he would be able to teach it. Roy took a quick look at Patricia and then paused. He gave a knowing wink and a grin before making his way to the back of the room. Patricia felt uneasy about the look Roy had given her, but knew that he wouldn't say anything in class. If he did, his little escapade from the party Friday would be just as quickly known.
Seconds later Paul entered the room and that eased Patricia's tension. She gave him a smile, but he didn't even look at her. He simply walked up the aisle and sat at the computer situated in the back of the room. The teacher was the last to arrive; he didn't give much notice to Patricia either.
"Now, class," Dr. Harris pushed his glasses back towards his face, "we all know what is due today so there is no need to postpone it any further. Please hand it to the student assistant as he comes around."
Roy quickly raised his hand.
"Yes, Mr. Jones."
"I forgot it in my room, can I hand it to you later today?"
"Yes, you may, but it will cost you one deduction."
Roy didn't answer, everyone knew that he was paying someone to write his papers this semester and wondered why he hadn't picked it up the night before.
Paul started to pick up the papers. He started in the back and worked his way forward. When he came to Patricia he didn't even look her in the face, he just took the paper as he did everyone else's and handed the stack to the professor.
After forty-five minutes of listening to the role that Greek gods played in the Odyssey, Patricia was ready to go. She was tired of writing notes and really wanted to talk to Paul. Finally, the teacher turned off the overhead projector and dismissed class.
Students filed out of class as if there were a fire somewhere in the room. Patricia stayed behind to wait for Paul, but he too simply left the room, without even saying a word or giving a glance. Patricia quickly closed her book and followed him, but he was nowhere to be found.
With an hour break inbetween classes, Patricia wondered why Paul was acting so strangely and what she could have done to upset him in such a way. He was supposed to stop by later on for dinner, and she figured she'd let him have a piece of her mind then. Patricia decided that with an hour to kill, she would stop by the computer lab to check in on Colleen.
Colleen was standing at the printer waiting for something to spew out.
"Thank God you're here," Colleen said as she saw Patricia enter the room.
"Why, what's wrong?" Patricia quickly forgot her troubles with Paul when she saw her roommate was in need.
"I told this thing to print out my report five times and nothing is coming out."
"Okay," Patricia looked at the display and it said it was ready. She opened up the paper tray and it had more then enough paper in it. "Which computer are you using?"
"That one," Colleen pointed at the computer up front, nearest the aisle.
Patricia sat down and quickly pulled up the "to print" file. She started to laugh.
"What's so funny?" Colleen asked not completely in the mood for jokes.
"You've been printing to the other room, there's probably five copies of your report across the hall."
Colleen quickly made her way out the door and two minutes later came back with a handful of paper. "If it weren't for you I'd probably be here all day. I bet some teacher did this as a joke and they're probably laughing their head off."
"Well, are you all done with your stuff?"
"Yeah, and then next week midterms and then break."
"Still going home?"
"Yeah, of course, silly! We've been planning it since the semester started."
Patricia didn't want to get into it then, but she had some issues about heading home now. But there would be enough time to talk about that later. Patricia walked with her friend to her next class before heading off to math.
"I like what you picked out, it looks good on you," Colleen whispered as they made it up to the top floor.
"Thanks, you think it isn't too obvious what I'm trying to do?"
"Nah, it looks good and you could go either way, but," Colleen trailed off.
"But what?"
"Are you wearing the bra?"
"Yeah," Patricia blushed.
"Well, you know when you wear panties no one knows, but when you wear a bra it does give people clues."
"Is it that obvious? It would feel weird to dress like this without one."
"No, it isn't obvious, but if that tee was a little tighter you could see the straps."
"So how did you know?"
Colleen laughed, "I didn't, I just guessed."
Patricia felt slightly betrayed that her friend was playing with her mind but also gave a small laugh. She watched Colleen walk into her English class before making her way down the hall to math.
Math was a subject that Patricia was great at. Even though she took pre-calc in high school, she was taking just simple algebra now. She figured that with her major, there was no need to take something harder than what was required for her degree.
As the teacher discussed quadratic formulas for the upcoming midterm, Patricia doodled small flowers and hearts in her notebook. The class was always long and she never learned anything knew, but it gave her a great opportunity to view how the girls in class sat and talked and gestured. Before she knew it, the class was over and she was free until her 2 o'clock history class.
"Pat," Mrs. Dishman said as the class filed out, "I would like to talk to you for a moment."
Patricia figured it was going to be another lecture about participating in class discussions or changing her major over to math. She walked up to the desk and Mrs. Dishman motioned her to take a seat. Patricia sat down and waited for her biweekly lecture.
"I couldn't help but noticing you look a little different," the teacher came right out and said what she was thinking.
"Well, I was just..." Patricia searched for her preplanned excuse but couldn't remember exactly what it had been.
"Don't worry, you aren't in trouble or anything. But did you really think your teachers wouldn't notice you in your sister's clothes?"
"These aren't my sister's, they're Colleen's, she's my roommate."
"I see, I thought you were kin. But did you think we wouldn't notice?"
"Well, Dr. Harris didn't."
"Of course, he didn't, men don't notice anything that isn't pointed out to themm. But we girls know the subtle things, don't we?"
"We girls?"
"Yes, you and me. You know the difference between girl's jeans and guy's jeans, just like you know which makeup to put on."
"You can tell that, too?"
"Of course I could. Not that you did a bad job of it or anything."
"Are you going to tell my parents?"
"No, not at all. I'm just a little worried about you. You are so shy and soft-spoken and this is a very big change. When did you start?"
"Friday."
"You mean you haven't been dressing up for a long time? It almost seems natural for you."
"I guess it's because it's the real me."
"That may be so, but I really think you should talk to someone about this." Mrs. Dishman wrote on a piece of paper. "This is the number for a psychiatrist who's off campus; this way, you don't have to let the whole school know. She sees students pro bono, so it won't cost you a dime. Will you promise me that you'll talk to her?"
"Yes, I'll call today," Patricia answered, glad that she wasn't in trouble.
"And if you need any motherly advice," Mrs. Dishman wrote down another phone number and address on a separate piece of paper, "don't hesitate to call me, okay?"
"Okay, I will. But why?"
"Because, believe it or not, I care about my students. Especially ones that I see so much promise for."
"Thanks, but I'm still not changing my major."
Dr. Dishman laughed. "Can I say one more thing?"
"Sure."
"This look really works for you."
"Thanks."
"I'll see you Wednesday, Pat."
"It's actually Patricia, now," she smiled.
"Okay, see you Wednesday, Patricia."
Patricia walked out the door, amazed that a teacher actually knew what she was trying to pull and yet she wasn't in any trouble.
It was getting close to 11:30 and the school cafeteria was about to open. Though she didn't normally eat there, she knew that Paul did. She walked down to the crowded foyer and noticed that Paul was sitting on some steps outside.
"Hi Paul," Patricia said as she stood at the bottom of the steps.
"Hi," Paul said disinterested.
"Don't you have anything to say?"
"No, should I?" Paul remarked in an uncaring tone.
"Why...you..." Patricia was too mad and hurt to finish her sentence and got as far away from him as quickly as possible. As she glanced back, she could see Roy say something to Paul and that only made her storm off even quicker.
Day Four, Late Afternoon
Patricia threw down her books on the kitchen table and stormed into the living room. She had finished the surprise history exam early and decided that she needed to just forget about life for a while. She turned on the television and found herself watching the home shopping channel.
Colleen walked in a half hour later and joined her friend on the couch. After ten minutes of neither of them saying a word, Colleen knew something was wrong. "Want to talk about it?" she asked.
"There is nothing to talk about," Patricia said angrily.
"You are obviously upset about something."
"Paul's an asshole, that's what I'm mad about."
"What did he do?"
"Nothing."
"Then what's the problem?"
"When I went to class he ignored me, and when I saw him in the cafeteria he ignored me again."
"Why did he do that?"
"Because he's a guy. I put out, he made his little conquest, and now he doesn't want anything to do with me!"
"That doesn't sound like Paul, he doesn't seem to be that sort of guy."
"But he is, he used me and now threw me to the curb."
"Shouldn't you wait until he comes over, maybe there is something else going on?"
"He's not going to be coming over. I'll just end up waiting for him and feeling stupid. Well, I'm not going to give him that satisfaction!" Patricia stood up, ran upstairs, and slammed her bedroom door. Colleen stood at the foot of the stairs, dumbfounded.
After a few minutes Patricia calmed down; after all, was it worth it to get all worked up over a guy? She pulled out the two pieces of paper that Mrs. Dishman had written the phone numbers on. She dialed the psychiatrist number on her cordless phone and listened to the ringing.
"Dr. Eagan's office," a woman's voice said on the other end.
"Um. Yes. Um. I was, um, I guess wanting to set up an appointment."
"Are you an existing patient or a new one?"
"This will be my first time."
"Okay, we can set up an initial consultation on Wednesday, if you like."
"Um. Yeah, I guess I could do that."
"Great, is this time on Wednesday good for you?"
"Yes, it would work out okay"
"Okay, I will need your name."
"Patri..." Patricia was unsure what name to actual give, the feminine name he had adopted or his real one. "Um, Pat Jordan."
"Okay Pat, do you know how to get to my office."
"No, sorry I don't."
"Do you know the Burger King on Main just before the K-Mart?"
"Yes, I've been there several times."
"Okay if you turn down the road that the Burger King is on, that's Pike road, you'll see a small office just past the restaurant. That's my office, there's a sign out front so you won't miss it."
"I think I got it," Patricia said as she jotted the information on the sheet of paper.
"I'll see you Wednesday at three."
"Okay, great. Bye." Patricia hung up the phone, folded the paper and placed it under her keyboard. She opened up her history book and reviewed the material from the test, just to make sure she had done well before actually seeing her test score.
A soft rap came on Patricia's bedroom door. "Come in," Patricia called out assuming it was Colleen, "it's open."
Paul walked into the room tentatively.
"Oh, it's you. What do you want?" The bitterness in Patricia's voice was sharp.
"Remember, I was supposed to come over? I brought the stuff for dinner."
"Oh, so I'm good enough to talk to now. But in front of people you are ashamed to even know me?"
"It's not like that."
"That's certainly what it seemed like. It looked like you were afraid to be talking to a freak."
"Don't talk like that."
"Why because it's the truth?"
"No, because you aren't a freak. Never put yourself down like that."
"Well that's what you think, isn't it? That's why you bolted out of the class so quick I didn't get a chance to talk. And that little act you put on in front of the cafeteria, don't get me started on that!"
"You don't understand," Paul started to explain.
"No, I think I understand all too well."
"No, you don't. If you give me a second to explain then maybe you would. I wasn't ignoring you because I'm ashamed of you."
"Oh no, then why?"
"Because I'm a student assistant. There are rules I have to follow. One of them being don't get involved with someone who is in a class I am helping in. How do you think it would look to Dr. Harris if he knew you and I were intimate and I'm grading your papers and tests?"
"I guess not too good," Patricia admitted.
"Not good at all. If they found out, they could pull my scholarship and I really don't have the money to pay for my masters out-of-pocket."
"So it's not because I was an easy conquest?"
Paul laughed. "No, not at all, you're very challenging."
"You sure?"
"Look, I really like you and I wouldn't be opposed to spending the rest of my life with you. But maybe we took things a little quick and that strains things." Paul wrapped Patricia in his arms and stroked her hair with his hand.
"I don't think we took things too quick at all. I enjoyed last night. I just thought.... Who knows what I thought?" she trailed off.
"So am I forgiven?" Paul lifted Patricia's chin so he could look in her deep blue eyes.
"Yes, you are forgiven." Patricia smiled.
Paul leaned forward and kissed Patricia passionately, his hand firmly cupping her ass and squeezing gently.
"Will you two quit?" a voice said loudly from the doorway.
Patricia blushed, because her roommate had caught her in a moment of romance.
"Paul, you need to start that dinner, I'm starving." Colleen told him.
"Yes, ma'am." Paul laughed and then made his way to the kitchen.
"Told you it was a misunderstanding, didn't I?" Colleen told her friend.
"Yes, I guess I really should have gotten an explanation before jumping to conclusions."
"But making up is fun, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"Maybe we need to fight more," Colleen said as she walked out the door leaving Patricia confused.
